" Props, Smoke and Mirrors"

Hi Friends,

I have used our blog spot today for this week's Props, because I knew that this week's thoughts would exceed the character limits I have on FB.

I just want to speak a moment from the heart as to what motivates me and why I put out this advice every week. I hate divorce and it's aftermath! When I look back on the pain in my own life as well as the pain in my children's lives, most of it either directly or indirectly came as a result of two people that were either unwilling or unable to keep their vows in marriage.

I say unwilling because quite frankly many marriages can be saved if people are willing to simply stop being selfish and keep and honor their word. I say unable because contrary to popular belief and societal pressure everyone is not meant to be married! This means that you have people trying to play a role for which they were never designed.

Marriage is a covenant between a man, a woman, and God. It is life long, spiritual in nature and rooted in unconditional love. Based on this truth, do you believe that everyone you know is called to this? The answer is No they are not. This does not make people inferior that are not married; it simple means that their life mission is better accomplished by them being single, without the obligations that accompany marriage.

I hope this will help someone to be liberated from feeling like a second class citizen if they are not married. Two of my best friends are not married, and they live fulfilled lives with careers that would make it difficult for them to have a spouse right now. Will they get married one day? Maybe, but as of right now they are completely satisfied. What is my point in sharing this? Its simple. Know yourself.

A man that has been married three times, with all of his divorces being his ex-wives fault, he may be someone for which marriage itself is not suited for him. Putting a ring on a person's finger and having them stand in front of an alter does not make them a husband or a wife. It simply makes them two people with rings.

My hope and prayer from my weekly post is that those of us that have been called to this incredible, yet difficult covenant will be encouraged to keep on fighting for it each and every day. The outcome, if we face and over come our selfishness, is a beautiful haven of love where children can grow, thrive and flourish. I also hope that these post will help you to identify whether or not this covenant is for you or not, and if it is not then you can free your mind from the stress of trying to become someone that you are not. I can't think of a more disappointing way to live. Free yourself today! Life is too short.

I hope that I didn't bore you this week. I truly felt the need to give you a glimpse inside my heart and mind. Marriage is beautiful. Marriage is challenging. Is divorce inevitable in some situations? Of course it is. I understand that. I just want everyone that reads these post to be able to say, " I faced my own selfishness and did my best to make my marriage work" If you can honestly say this, then this is all that anyone can ask.

Hope this helps!

Carlos

How To Forgive

First let's start by stating what forgiveness is NOT. It is NOT condoning  a person's actions. It is NOT forgetting what they have done. It is NOT denying the fact that they have hurt you.

Forgiveness is a process (that may take some time), it says I don't appreciate what you did, what you did will always be apart of the fabric that makes up our relationship and what you did hurt me deeply. But in spite of all that, I am choosing to no longer be angry with you. I realize that being angry with you is only hurting me so I am going to let "IT" go!!

Here is a word of warning to you. You will want to learn forgiveness whether you receive an apology from the person or not!! This is something we will talk about more in-depth next week. You have to remember that forgiveness is NOT about THEM, it's about YOU and your peace of mind!!

What are your thoughts on this subject? We'd love to hear your feedback.

~ Carlos and Clarissa

**You can learn more about how to forgive in our upcoming relationship class entitled "Healed Without Scars" starting in January. Check out our website at http://www.hwsministries.org/ for more details!!